Dragon's Wisdom

I stood just outside the cave, ignoring the sand flying around in the cold wind. I shivered as I blinked grit out of my eyes. Damn, Tatooine can get absolutely freezing. I stared into the cave mouth, struggling to see anything in the abyss. I had told him to relocate from his previous lair this morning, and now I came for a social visit.

[Hello, great beast,] I called cautiously, reaching out with my Force powers. I felt the krayt dragon's mind, and he welcomed me back. I did always like creatures, particularly large and lethal ones. I smiled. This one had seemed to remember me from somewhere, a long time ago, and it was one of the reasons I came tonight. I wondered about that for a moment, and then let it go for now.

Somewhere deep inside me acknowledged that visiting a giant bull krayt dragon in the middle of the night without telling anyone where I was actually going was probably one of the most idiotic things I could do. But who really cares?

[May I come in?] I asked, being polite. The dragon wondered what I meant, and I gave him a mental picture of me entering his lair without harm. He had no opposition to the idea, and so I stepped in confidently, walking immediately over to the dragon. He was lying on his stomach, and let me approach and stroke his nose.

[You are gorgeous,] I informed him, smiling as I settled down next to him and leaned against his neck. [You seemed to recognise me from somewhere,] I commented idly, starting the conversation. A memory floated to the surface in his mind in response, and I watched it unfold with interest.

[Great beast, I wish not to harm you. I merely wish access to the artifact your guarding.] She reached out with her mind, and the beast could feel the dark taint of the human's mind as it took control of his own. While he didn't understand the words, he understood the meaning, and moved to the side obediently as she forced him to. Two figures entered the cave--

Malak and Revan, I realised.

The krayt dragon compared the tenor of my mind to Revan's. It was almost identical, with only a few differences. Horror and confusion swept through me as I gasped.

Wait, wasn't Revan a man? I always was confused on the matter. Most people say male, but a part of me always believed Revan was female. I felt something strange in my mind, and it burst forth. I hissed as my eyes rolled back into my head.

Revan stood there, in full battle robes. Her gloved hands slid to her concealed face, and she unbuckled her mask. The hands retreated, revealing the Dark Lord's face. Hair as dark as her soul framed Revan's unnaturally pale face. Somehow, the Dark side had merely changed her beauty, rather than destroying it. Small nose, golden eyes framed with thick lashes, burgundy-violet lips, ears with numerous piercings.

Her lips twisted into a cold smirk.

Blinking, I was released from the vision. A strangled cry escaped my throat and the dragon turned his head to peer at me with one yellow eye. That was my face, and not my face. Familiar, yet twisted with hate and greed into unfamiliarity.

I felt his confusion at my action, and knew I would be unable to explain. [Revan was a Sith Lord, trying to conquer the galaxy. We thought he. . . she was dead,] I tried anyway. The dragon didn't understand why it was so bad, and I let the images flood my mind: death, destruction, decay. He understood that it was something bad for my kind, but didn't particularly care.

I evaluated the strangeness that had surrounded me ever since I woke up on the Endar Spire. The Jedi training, though I was way too old, and managing to complete the fundamental lessons in weeks rather than years. It all clicked, and I knew that I was Revan. The beast caught on that it was a big thing for me, though he still wasn't sure why. He thought something that would be the equivalent of: you can't change anything, so why make all that fuss?

Surprisingly smart words. . . thoughts, whatever. This is why I love animals – the bigger, smarter and more lethal, the better. But it didn't really make me feel any better. I broke down, sobbing into the smooth scales of the krayt dragon's neck, as he held immobile. I don't know how long I sat there, crying my eyes out. It could've been minutes or hours, I couldn't tell you. But nothing lasts forever, and eventually the tears slowed, then ceased running down my cheeks. The dragon was comforting, and I was glad he didn't mind me gate-crashing his evening. I pondered, wondering what I should do now. Run away? No, that would be cowardly. Confront the Jedi? No way in hell - that would be signing my own death certificate. If they knew I knew, then they would imprison me or worse.

A scrap of memory floated through my mind: Carth and I were on Taris, and he warned me about not getting captured. "I've heard some dark things about Force powers. They say they can strip away your memories and destroy your very identity!"

Apparently not a dark side power.

Hey, if those stuffy old guys did it once, what's to say they won't do it again?! Wild panic I didn't really recognise rushed over me, overwhelming. My chest constricted and I choked for a minute before finding my lungs again. The krayt dragon swished his tail restlessly, just daring the Jedi to try. I gave him a watery smile as he suggested I stay with him until the threat had passed. [Thank you for the offer, but I don't think that could work. It's the thought that counts, though,] I thought to him, and once again he glanced down at me, this time questioning my judgment. I ignored the look, though my hand resumed stroking his beautiful, smooth scales.

I pondered my options and the dragon had an idea. Just continue like normal and pretend you don't know.

My eyes widened and my lips curved up. That could actually work. Why the hell didn't I come up with that? [Thank you,] I called, hugging him.

Thinking back to the panic that had just overwhelmed me, I was confused. What was it? It had been cued when I thought about getting a mind wipe, similar to a droid. Terror welled in me again, sprouting from deep within me, and I took a deep breath, trying to banish it.

Well, there it was. I had a phobia of getting erased again.

Wait... that guess seemed close, but not exactly the problem. Hmm. . . Phobias are normally irrational, so there has to be more.

Suddenly I felt a tugging at my Force Bond.

Bastila.

The panic returned in full force and I threw up my strongest shield to block her out.
Lying there, I tried to get my flighty gasping back under control. Wow, that was irrational. Irrational. I blinked. Why was I so afraid? Of Bastila? Of what she would do if she found out I remembered? Or was I simply afraid of having the Princess in my mind? The arrow pointed to the last option.

So, I was terrified of having people in my mind. After previous happenings, I suppose it is understandable, but I have to get over it and quick. I had always been uncomfortable with having a Bond with Bastila, and as it turned out, it was an instinct remaining. . . or several combined.

I sighed, running one hand through my tangled dark locks. Great, now I have to hide that fear on top of everything else. How the hell am I going to accomplish this? From most people, it will be child's play. But Juhani? I have to try. Bastila? I'll just have to keep my walls up and hope I don't have any dream-memories or visions that could cue her in -- or give her any incentive to pick at my mind.

I curled up into the fetal position, allowing myself this time of weakness. The krayt dragon kept me warm, and I was lulled listening to his calm and steady breathing into oblivion.

~.~.~

Nrrg. . .

I rolled over, my senses slowly coming into focus. I curled back against the large warmth on my right side, still not opening my eyes. A sharp jab at my mind had me sitting up in a split second, all drowsiness incinerated. My eyes flew open then flew shut again, rebelling against the light shining from the mouth of the cave. Ah, the light, it burns!

The revelation from last night invaded my bliss like a swinging lightsaber and my statement seemed in particularly bad taste. My face twisted into a grimace. There was another jab, but it couldn't pierce the bubble of paranoia, fear and determination protecting my mind. I slowly opened my eyes again, blinking rapidly as my eyes watered. Eventually my eyes adjusted enough to observe the cave properly.

The krayt dragon looked down at me and rumbled a good morning. Shoving the jabber away, I smiled wearily at my companion and rubbed his side with my hand.

He informed me that he was going hunting and I was welcome to stay or come. I declined the offer to go, though my stomach snarled its defiance.

The krayt dragon stood up, stretched, and then ambled gracefully to the mouth of the cave. If dragons had humanoid expressions, I'm sure he would've smirked at me before he turned and left.

I sat up, my head spinning in a way not good for my stomach. Eventually it passed, and I stood and stretched, all my joints cracking. Pacing the cave, I wondered what I would say to explain my absence to my friends. They must all be worried sick, especially since I took the swoop bike and erased all evidence to suggest I did anything. Bastila is so going to chew Mission out for showing me how to do it.

Bastila. Her name sent a wave of nausea through me, and I plopped to the ground before I fell.

I can't believe that she. . . that I. . . that the Jedi were capable of doing this! Surely there was some measure in place to prevent me from remembering. Wait, it was probably Bastila. I doubt they told Juhani. But it was still one hell of a risk, letting a mere Padawan look after an ex-Sith Lord!

I shook my head in disgust, showering grit everywhere.

Well, say I did remember? What plan did they have in place to prevent me from becoming a Dark Lord again? Those fools couldn't possibly think that the Ebon Hawk's crew would be able to stop me! I would--

Wait, stop that! Bad thought! I shouldn't be thinking that. Chagrin burned slowly through me.

Looking around the dim cave, which was surprisingly cool for something on Tatooine, I realised that I really should be getting back. It was probably after midday, local time. Should I let Bastila know that I am. . . well, not OK, but relatively unharmed? Hmm . . . no freaking way. If I let her in, she will probably try to have a dig around.

I sighed and stood up. The weakness I showed last night and this morning will never come back, even if it's just my will keeping it away.

Dwelling on the events that had happened, I supposed that it was better for me to find out now, rather than later when it may do more damage. I walked slowly to the mouth of the krayt dragon's lair, stumbling over loose rocks and bones. Ugh, stupid stiff body. This is what I get for sleeping in a cave next to an animal.

I turned back to take one last look at my friend's lair. While I didn't really want to leave my sanctuary, I had an important job to do.

Darth Malak better watch out, because I'm going to kick his ass.