May the Farce Be with You

Master Vrook was meditating alone in the Council Chambers when he sensed an ominous presence. Looking up, a masked figure in billowing black robes appeared before him.

'Who are you?' he grumped dismissively.

'Vrook, I am your father,' the dark figure intoned.

'What? No!' he yelled back. This could not be, no, it couldn't!

'Search your feelings,' the mechanical voice responded.

'I'm on the Jedi Council, I don't HAVE feelings!'

'You know this to be the truth. And, there is...a...sister,' the dark-robed man sneered with surprised delight. Vrook could only gurgle and grumble in horror. A hooded figure emerged from the shadows.

'Yes, Vrook, somehow I've always known,' the woman lowered her hood: her signature braids were now woven tightly to the sides of her head.

'Kreia?' Vrook nearly yelled in astonishment.

'Of course, brother, haven't you noticed the family resemblance? We are twins, Vrook and Kreia...'

Just then Revan entered, dragging Carth along by his ear.

'But he shot first!' Carth protested. Revan only glared back in grouchy silence, then turned her attention to the black-clad man standing before Vrook.

'Uh, who are you?' she asked perplexed.

'Why, hello darling!' the man drawled in a dripping, smarmy voice. Revan scowled.

'Tanis Venn of Tatooine? You bastard!'

'Hey, leave my unwed mother out of this!' he growled.

Zaalbar entered next, eating sloppily from a large bag of protein crisps, followed closely by a nagging Mission.

'Big Z, you are making a mess! Could you please eat with your mouth closed...please? Chew chew chew...I think I will call you Chewy from now on, whaddya think of that?' Zaalbar's roar was interrupted when a trooper stormed in, clad in gleaming white. He shouldered his repeater and lifted his helm.

'Hey, I finally cleaned my armor!' Canderous grinned. 'Nice, huh?' he asked, turning for all to see.

'Impressive, most impressive...' Revan conceded. 'but you are not a...' Her words were lost in the commotion just outside the door. Everyone turned in time to see the arrival of the droids.

'Statement: Are too!'

'Beep frotzzt.'

'Statement: Are too!'

'Frotzzt bleep splort.'

'Declaration: Are TOO, you worthless pile of parts!' With that HK-47 kicked T3. The little astromech jolted and burped out a fuzzy holocron recording of a woman in an endless loop: 'How can I help? I'm Bastila Shan, I'm your only hope.'

Jolee bolted upright in a cold sweat. Groggily, he rubbed his eyes and focused on his room with great relief. 'Praise the Force,' he mumbled. 'I gotta remember, no fried gizka with juma juice just before bed....'